It was a harrowing trip from Stockholm to Frankfurt to Denver to St. George Utah. It was long and cramped and the show selections on United were as bad as the overcooked tortellini. Sixteen hours of travel time got us only so far as Denver, ugh! Then we had to go through customs. I was flying with Maggie and Jonah and between the three of us we somehow managed to haul 6 suitcases from baggage claim to the United Ticket counter then go through security again, disposing of our overpriced airport water.
When we reached our third and final gate we sat down in some chairs to wait out our 4-hour layover. Jonah’s last words to me, “I don’t think I’ll even sleep.” Three and a half hours later when it was time to board, neither child could be roused. They were bent at odd angles, laying on backpacks and rigid airport chairs, far in dreamland. I said to Jonah, “Wake up,” and gave him a little shake. One eye popped open, the other squinting, then I turned to Maggie, “Wake up.” She was comatose. I turned back to Jonah. He was slumped in his chair again, head back, mouth agape. This went on for several minutes until finally I snapped, “Let’s go!” I said, a little too loud, pulling them from their chairs, dragging them to the gate.
They shuffled like zombies down the runway, their knees too exhausted to bend. They boarded the small jet engine plane and immediately fell into a deep Sleeping Beauty incapacitated state of rest. I haven’t had to buckle Jonah into a seat belt since he was three, but I fastened him in alongside Maggie, then sank into my aisle chair. A dazed numb feeling buzzed through my head but the faint happiness of knowing the answer to, “Are we there yet?” made me smile. “Yes! We’re almost there.”
When we arrived in St. George my in-laws were waiting to pick us up. My sister-in-law and her husband grabbed our suitcases and everyone lent a hand with the sleepy children. It was the best reception possible. I didn’t have to think. I just got in the car and they drove us to our hotel. From that point on these last few weeks have a blur.
We moved into our house with suitcases and air mattresses. We’re “camping” until our things arrive. Since being back in the US Maggie and I have also flown to PA to see my family. At one point Maggie asked, “Are we over our jet lag yet?” My new saying, “It’s 8:00 somewhere in the world.” It helps me greet the day no matter what hour we wake up.
We’re back in St. George now and everyday begins with a To-Do list. Get driver’s license, register for school, get mail key, call about recycling, choose which floor sample to install, buy toilet bowl brushes and on and on. It’s deja vu only it’s not. I’ve done this before–moving/settling–but it’s a whole new experience here. The desert heat is a game changer. When you’re not used to it your body has to adapt. I’m way more thirsty, I wear sunscreen all the time (not just for the pool), sunglasses are a must. Here in St. George there are pest control companies on every city block (for a reason). We’ve already had the exterminator spray four times. Ants, roaches, black widows…Oh My! I fell like Dorothy, far from the familiar, but sensing that this place, for now, is exactly where I need to be.
Still it’s hard sometimes. Being new. Saying hi to strangers. Introducing myself, over and over, telling my story, who I am and why I moved to St. George Utah. “Sweden, huh, really?” they say. Sometimes I’m confused too. Why again am I doing this? There’s a lot of friendly people in the world, it’s just takes time to make some of them your friends. It’s like getting a job. It’s hard to get the position when you don’t have previous experience, but how do you get experience?
The answer is you stick around. You smile when you don’t feel like it, you talk to everyone and see who talks back. It’s luck of the draw and drawing your luck. And in the meantime you appreciate more of what you’ve got, where you’ve been and the ones you often take for granted–family. “Family” are the people who are always there when you need them.
St. George is an environment of extremes. Extreme temperatures, extreme beauty. The red rock is other worldly. It’s like walking on Mars every morning. Up in the hills I’ve discovered my happy place. It’s where I can go when I want to feel everything is as it should be. Looking down from up above life looks small and manageable, and problems don’t feel so large. For right now I’m glad to be where I am. If anyone asks, “Are we there yet?” I’m going to say, “Yes.”
It’s move time. The truck is in my driveway and all heck is breaking loose. I expect this. I’ve been through this drill before. I’m familiar with stress and worry, fatigue and frustration. What I didn’t expect was the Unknown to come waltzing through my front door, grab hold of my shoulders and yell: “ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?? YOUR WORLD IS ABOUT TO CHANGE!!” The Unknown is sneaky like that. It will wait until you sit to eat your Subway sandwich while the movers are on smoke break and leap out of nowhere to unnerve and frighten you.
But what you’ve got to remember is that the Unknown doesn’t know any more than you do. It’s all talk, all of it.
Keep doing what you’re doing, that’s what I’ve learned. Take comfort in being busy. It’s not a bad thing to have too much on your to do list when you’re going through epic change. Work is the antidote for most dreadful things. The laundry and dishes are tedious until you have things to worry about, then it’s nice to have a dish in the sink, clothes to fold, beds to make, just to keep moving.
When your life is in bubble wrap and the TV is in cardboard, there’s nothing to tune into except for yourself–time for a little one-to-one with your unconscious. If you haven’t had much time for yourself, well then, you may have some listening to do. What are you saying these days…deep down there in your cavernous soul?
A friend shared this with me…
“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the moment.” –Lao Tzu
Where ARE you living these days? If you’re going through a change of address, I get it, life can be confusing.
Moving is a strange time. For that matter, ANY major life change is a strange time. Change will mess with your identity. Take away the external—your house, your job, your relationship, your address—and what’s left?
YOU! That’s what!
All that other stuff?
You is where you’re standing right now—that very small bit of real estate you see when you smile in the mirror. And You can do this this.
DragonForce wrote our anthem…We Are The Heros of Our Time. We don’t need to bend metal, read minds or shape shift—although that would be cool. It’s enough to stare down the Unknown and say "Not today. Not on my watch." Wrestle with this beast and come out a winner, you deserve the Gold. You are a hero.
I’ve got suitcases in each bedroom, a thousand pounds of stuff for the air shipment in the dining room, laundry to be folded in the baskets, a freezer to clean out. The Unknown is hunting me down at every turn, but I’m onto its tricks. I’ve defeated this villain before. The Unknown can’t do anything it hasn’t already done but just as well, it’s good to be busy keeping the enemy at bay.
I’m not sure when the saying “Dream Big,” became a thing…when we started printing it in chalkboard font on sentiment signs to hang on our bedroom, bathroom and living room walls. It was after the gold rush and sometime before the Selfie Stick, but within the last half century. It’s the idea that we need more; that we should be reaching for the stars (so we can at least land on the moon). But the quest for living large is just that, a quest, a never-ending pursuit of bigger and better and larger and larger living and here’s the kicker—it won’t make you happy. You might as well put up a kitty poster, because at least that will make you laugh.
People who put up signs to remind them to go for the good life, probably already have the good life, they just don’t know it.
On our recent trip to Norway I had a life altering, game changing experience that drove home this point home quite clearly to my slow-on-the-up-take-sub-conscious, that is to say, to live small is to dream big. If it sounds contradictory it’s only because we’ve been conditioned to believe otherwise. I assure you, nothing could be more in harmony than to embrace the fullness of the life you already have, to savor the thousands of moments time is gifting you already. We all like gifts and since your life is a present; each moment you get to unwrap a part of it. Meaning-full experiences are well within your reach right NOW. To live small is to encompass all that you are in the present most fullest sense of the word without trying to be artificially BIGGER and better. Let me explain…
In Norway I met a woman who lives on the island of Skjerjehamn. Population: 6. That’s right. Six people total, two preschoolers and a few adults. Her main job is to greet the tour boat twice a day (in spring and summer), to welcome a handful of tourists ashore that want to see what life is like on an island. Included in the package tour, written in the brochures we’re all holding, is the assurance we will be feed waffles and coffee—and believe you me, we wanted those waffles. She counted us up, all 15 of us, and told us to relax in the garden while she prepared our food.
Some sat, others strolled, taking in the 360-degree ocean views, wondering to ourselves…how do people actually live like this? The experience was surreal, probably because most of us never dreamed of living on a relatively obscure island miles away from the nearest town. And yet, being there, seeing this incredible sight, ranks up with the most incredible places I’ve ever been, Sistine Chapel included. I’m walking along the island breathing in the ocean air, soaking up the sunshine while my kids rush up and down mossy rocks playing chase in the grass. They discover jellyfish and algae in the water and Maggie finds a swing that entertains her as much as a new app. We eat waffles and I’m thinking they must serve these in heaven because they’re so amazing with a touch of cardamom. I glance at my watch, time is ticking. We’re in the most idealic setting we’ve ever seen and we have forty-five minutes to enjoy it.
The boat doesn’t wait for anyone, we were warned, so we head back to the dock. Before leaving, I thank the woman for hosting us. In her sky blue eyes I search for a way to ask her the question that I can’t stop thinking…how do you live here, how do you exist in this place without freeways and fast tracks and worries about getting ahead and having more, don’t you want more? But I don’t ask her that, instead I say, “How do people around here grocery shop?”
She laughs. She doesn’t have a “Dream Big” sign in her home, but she meets people all the time who do, people who must ask her the same thing everyday. “Well,” she says, “people have large refrigerators and when they shop they get what they need for a long time.”
I nod my head, as if I understand completely. And I think on those words for the next several days and I realize she’s given me the answer to my real question. You get what you need when you need it and otherwise you occupy your life, you don’t want for more, you enjoy what you have—the good life. As she leads us back to the dock, she tells us they’re hosting a party that night. Several boats will be coming in from around the “fjord community” to celebrate with dinner and dancing till 1 o’clock in the morning as part of National Day. Can you imagine…dinner on an island, dancing under the stars?
One more question, I ask, “How did you come to live on this island?”
Her blue eyes are sparkling now as she tucks a strand of strawberry blond hair behind her ear and says, “My boyfriend is a cook at the restaurant. There’s a small bed and breakfast,” she points to the nearby distance, “and that is where he works.”
“Oh,” I say, smiling now. Love doesn’t need more of an explanation.
As our boat pulls away I looked back and marvel at how small and yet vast the island seems. As we ferry along, we encounter a hundred or more homes just like hers, tucked away in the mountainous fjords, built on impossible cliffs and isolated stretches only accessible by boat. I wonder how life is lived between waterfalls…nestled in fervent green hills, the ocean occupying your front yard. I don’t imagine anyone living there has a sentiment sign on their wall that reads “Dream Big.” They must know they’re already living a dream.
Women, like the one I met on the island, are courageous. They’re not front and center of social media. They don’t need endless “likes” to feel good about their choices. They simply live and like who they are. There’s nothing wrong with promoting yourself or getting a million views on utube, but it’s equally as valid to live quieter, off the grid, in a way that is both authentic and freeing.
It’s okay to want more, so long as you know you’re enough already.
The good life isn’t about reaching for the stars; it’s grasping the glory that they shine for you.
It’s knowing that this entire world, all of it, is created for you as you are right now. You can choose more or less. But it takes courage to choose less because so often we think we need more. It takes a strong identity and a keen inner voice to let go of what others think and be yourself.
“Do you really want to be happy? You can begin by being appreciative of who you are and what you’ve got.” –The Tao of Pooh
Six weeks. That’s how much time we have left until we move. I know the drill. I know.
I’ve been here before, but it still doesn’t seem real. And it won’t. I know.
Not until I get on the plane and look down over Stockholm, to where I lived for the last three years, and listen to the flight attendant instruct us on where to find the exits and how to put on the oxygen masks in case of an emergency. Everything will look calm, but my heart will be in a state of emergency. If someone could just please put on my oxygen mask, I’ll be looking out my window, hands pressed to the plexiglass, wondering how it all happened, how three years came and went so fast.
Deep breath. I knew it would go fast. I knew.
The moment I said “Hello” for the first time and told them where I was from and asked if they spoke English (they all spoke English), I knew one day I’d say good-bye. I knew it way back then, that all those hellos would turn into good-byes. But I let my heart take hold anyway, because friendship is what sustains us.
Even if that friendship lasts three years or three days or three minutes, I’m grateful because every person that walks with me on my journey has something to teach me. (To the friend that sat with me on the plane and told me about the layout of Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris, thank you, thank YOU, I made my connection.)
C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
When we leave Sweden there will be five of us, and ten suitcases. One family member short of when we arrived. Malachi left for his mission to Indiana in November. He already said his good-byes. He writes home every week. Stories that make me so proud I could burst and stories that cause my hand to occasionally fly up over my mouth…robbed on Easter Sunday, bike stolen, camera taken, apartment ransacked, a man tried to run us over with his car, an episode that ended with police arresting the man at gunpoint…a crazy world, a crazy world. That is where I’ve sent my son, into a crazy world.
But he has friends. “Mom,” he writes, “I love being here. I love helping people. This is so much fun. God is great. God loves everyone. I meet so many good people” He’s going to be fine, I remind myself, he has friends.
Woodrow T. Wilson said, “Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” The ONLY cement. And he meant it. As the 28th President of the United States Wilson won the Nobel Peace Price for his sponsorship of the League of Nations following WWI. It was intended to build friendships, prevent war and make sure everyone played nice in the sandbox. But it didn’t last. It was a nice start though.
We’re still working at it, this friend thing. The United Nations is trying to ensure we share and take turns and don’t point nuclear weapons at each another. That’s good. I sat next to an Iranian woman on my flight from Amsterdam to New York a couple weeks ago. She grew up in The Netherlands but most of her family still lives in Iran. We shared the exit row and discussed how we would go about working things out in the event of an emergency. I would pull open the door and she would usher people out. Thankfully there were no emergencies, except for the overcooked tortellini, and we both had a restful flight. When we reached New York I gave her some tips for navigating the city and she thanked me. “If only,” we joked, “our countries could get along so well.”
Despite countries being at odds, people aren’t so different.
Confucius said, “All people are the same; only their habits differ.”
Living outside of America I’ve come to recognize my American “habits.” We wear sneakers and jeans, act friendly and smile a lot, generally speaking. We say hello to strangers. We don’t crowd into elevators. And we do open doors for other people—a dead giveaway.
My American self has loved meeting the more reserved, thoughtful, unassuming, beautiful, nature loving, green-living Swedish people. Three years immersed in this culture and my habits are changing.
My American fit-bit-wearing-on-the-go self has s l o w e d down. I spend more time in nature. I go for long walks through the forest and don’t count my steps (anymore). What I am counting is how lucky I’ve been to be where I’m at, in Sweden.
Sweden has taught me to do less and experience more. It’s a state of flow I would not have found, if not for this country. Shops close at 6:00, the shopping mall closes at 4:00 on Saturdays. The Swedes have six weeks of vacation in the summer and work-a-day life comes to an abrupt halt. Need a plumber in July? Ain’t going to happen (we’ve tried). The Swedes have the “live to work” thing all backward—and it’s pretty amazing.
Swedes have taught me the habit of ritual. They light candles in winter. They celebrate holidays with same traditional foods. They only sell olive cheesy bread on Fridays—because. They like things a certain way and that’s how they like them. There’s comfort in predictability and routine, knowing that whatever bakery you walk in, whatever grocery store you shop in, they’re all going to have the same kanelbullar (cinnamon roll). That’s not the American way. We like different and if something’s popular, we’ll sell it 7 days a week. Here, tradition trumps capitalism and that’s well…frankly unbelievable!
Swedes have taught me a more minimalistic approach to life. Admittedly, I was frustrated at first, wishing I had more closet space (or even a closet), but now I love the feeling of having what I need and using what I have. It’s simple. And living simple means more time for those walks in nature. No wonder everyone’s in the forest.
As much as I love Sweden, I have this other habit, one I can’t seem to break, of moving every couple of years. It’s what we do. But Sweden will always be home and so will Vienna and so will Greece and so will all the other places we’ve lived. Because home is where the people I love reside. It’s memory and experience. It’s a place that can survive any natural disaster if built on strong relationships and love, mostly love. My next home will be in St. George Utah. I’ll put out the “Welcome,” mat. Friends you know you have a home. And Swedes, if you come to America, we’ll eat cheesy olive bread on Tuesdays and shop at Target after midnight…just for kicks.
Mamma Mia, we went to the ABBA museum in Stockholm, the “Walk In, Dance Out,” experience that was, in the words of my son, “more fun than I thought it’d be.” I’ve still got “Waterloo,” stuck in my head. It was a Super-Trouper day and brought back tons of 80’s memories.
There are interactive stations, helpful for those under 40 who weren’t so lucky to grow up in the ABBA-era. My six-year-old daughter happened to study ABBA in Kindergarten. She even dressed up and performed an ABBA tribute show with her class. So she loved getting to sing back-up on stage at the museum. She and her friend danced with a virtual Agnetha and sung along with the rest of the band. Hilarious!
We also belted out Money, Money, Money in a recording booth, (and was it ever funny). That’s the thing about ABBA lyrics, they’re so darn catchy.
ABBA is one of the most popular bands in the history of Musicdom. As the second best-selling music group of ALL time (Wiki don’t lie), they sold over 380 million albums. That would be like if everyone in Canada, UK, Australia, Belgium, Sweden, Japan, France, California and New York bought an album!! They probably did.
But here’s the thing, when you go behind the hype, behind the flash and the larger than life figures (they have some really cool larger than life wax figures), you see the real people. They were four very talented individuals that worked very hard and played hard to get where they got. They took their losses as challenges, and kept on evolving. From 1975-1982, ABBA never stopped putting out songs that topped charts worldwide.
SOS*I HAVE A DREAM*MAMMA MIA*TAKE A CHANCE ON ME*HONEY HONEY*DANCING QUEEN*WATERLOO*RING RING*ONE OF US*
The ABBA name came from the first letters of the four band member’s names:
2 Fun Facts:
During a promotional photo shoot they were given the letters of their names to hold. Benny held his letter backwards and later the “mistake” resulted in the ingenious iconic symbol of ABBA–the first B mirroring the next B.
Their costumes, known for being flashy, had less to do with fashion inspiration and more to do with money. Sweden’s tax law stipulated that clothing could only be tax deductible if it was worn soley for the purpose of the performance. If they were “stage clothes,” then cha-ching, deductible, Money, Money, Money.
It was their Eurovision win in 1974 (this is a big BIG deal in Europe), with the song “Waterloo,” that launched their careers. Before that they each had some success in bands and solo acts, but this lead to their start of becoming super-stars.
With one chart topping hit after another, so came the pressures of success. Agnetha was married to Björn and Anni-Frid to Benny, but both marriages dissolved around the same time the band agreed to take a “break” in 1982. “As naturally as we came together, we came to the end,” said Agnetha. ABBA’s hit song, “The Winner Takes it All,” was written by Björn, as an anthem of their failing marriage. “Knowing Me, Knowing You,” was another revelation of their private struggles.
ABBA didn’t stay together, but their music lived on and continues to inspire new generations. If anything, a visit to the ABBA museum gave me an appreciation for what it took to be ABBA. Yes talent and some luck, maybe, but most of all effort and doing what “greats” do, turn their challenges into genius. When they weren’t on tour or performing, they were practicing, honing their skills, often working in isolation at their summer cottage on the island of Viggsö. It was no Hollywood style retreat; it was more like a garden shed. But it had the famous “white piano,” (you can see at the museum), and that was really all they needed to create unforgettable sounds. Like their song, “I Have A Dream.”
“I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels”
Photo of summer cottage taken from icethesite. Here it is “fixed up” for sale.
ABBA put their love into the songs and crafted their melodies with gratitude. “Thank you for the Music,” written and sung in 1977, gave insight into who they felt they were and how grateful they felt for the songs…
“I’m nothing special, in fact I’m a bit of a bore.
If I tell a joke, you’ve probably heard it before.
But I have a talent, a wonderful thing
Cause everyone listens when I start to sing…
Thank you for the music, the songs I’m singing
Thanks for all the joy they’re bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be:
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me”
You can’t help but listen to an ABBA song and sing or dance along. It has an energy and vibe that connects with people. I recently saw a quote, “My life is as good as an ABBA song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.” I figure that’s probably about as good as life gets. Keep on dancing. Keep dreaming. And thank you for the music ABBA.
Have you ever been frustrated? Hands high up in the air, higher, so I can see them…OK. That’s a lot of hands. So when were you last frustrated? Last week, yesterday, five minutes ago, just now when you couldn’t get the kitty riding the vacuum clip to load and clicked on this instead? I get it, but hear me out, just for a minute. I’ve got a remedy and it’s a sure-fire way to make frustration disappear. Want to know how I discovered it? I got frustrated…
I flew to the US this month to purchase a home I found online. It was pretty near to perfect; nestled in a lovely cul-de-sac with nearby schools and parks and easy access to shopping, yet close to nature. I was certain it was “the one” I should buy for our upcoming move to State College. My realtor previewed the place and let me know it was in great condition so I booked my ticket, boarded a flight the next morning and flew from Stockholm to Newark. I then rented a car, drove four hours, got a few hours of rest and woke up the next morning early to go see the place.
Sure enough it was exactly what I wanted. It had character, good flow, a studio art space, a well-lit kitchen with stainless steel appliances. Hours later I was pre-qualified for a loan and had made my offer. The house had only been on the market three days. I knew everything was going to work out according to plan.
But as I sat down to lunch with my realtor, eating Mongolian BBQ, her phone rang. It was the owner’s realtor, someone else had made an offer just before me and they were friends of the owners. The owners were going to take the other offer.
I offered more money but still no deal. I was stunned. The jet lag and lack of sleep were settling in fast and my head felt numb. I couldn’t believe it. How could this possibly happen when I knew this was “The Place?” I’d flown all the way from Sweden to get this house and it was sold.
My realtor sympathized with me, for a split second, but as soon as our shrimp was finished she got me back out on the road to resume the hunt. There were other homes to see and she was hopeful I’d find just the right one—she’s awesome. But inside I was feeling off track and out of sync. MY house had sold, and not only that, another house I’d kept in mind as a second option, had sold too! That made for two homes I wanted sold in less than a week. State College isn’t LA. Homes don’t fly off the market like hotcakes. What was happening? Talk about frustration!
Earlier in the month I’d sat down to dinner with my “life planning” friends, the friends I’ve mentioned in a previous post where we discuss our life goals at the beginning of each month (they’re awesome too). This month, the word I’d chosen to guide me through any impending disaster was “EXPLORE.” Explore encompassed a virtue that I knew I’d need if I was to make choices and figure out my future. And it was in this moment that the word came flashing to my mind…explore, explore, explore.
My frustration turned into exploration.
I thought about what I wasn’t thinking about…OPTIONS. I did have options. But what were they? I got quiet with myself and really thought about what I wanted. Where did I want to live? Where did I want to wake up each morning? Asking questions was the start of my exploration.
In art class we have a philosophy, when we’re stuck or blocked we experiment. Experimentation/exploration is huge. It’s the key on which the art world turns. Without it art wouldn’t happen. Van Gogh wouldn’t be a thing. ‘Starry Night,’ would have nary a star. We must experiment to evolve. Every artist gets stuck and they all know to get unstuck they have to be willing to make a shift, even if it’s incorrect, because changing the lines can get you to where you need to go. When one small part of a drawing changes, everything around it looks different. Until you make a change you can’t tell if the drawing is working or not working. You must draw then erase, redraw, or change an angle. But first, you have to be willing to put down that line, even if it’s the wrong line because until you try you won’t know.
With this principle in mind, I decided to keep looking and expand my search. Start shifting lines. I needed to see all possible angles of my dilemma. In the process, I realized I’d never thought to consult my parents about my decision to move. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer last fall, I’d made the decision to move to State College when Cooper went to Iraq. But a lot had changed within the year. Her tumor counts had miraculously gone from almost 5,000 to 16 and frankly she had more energy than I did (granted I was jet lagged), but still! When I sat down and asked my parents how they felt about me moving to a warmer climate, somewhere that I could still visit them and they could visit me in the winter, they didn’t hesitate to say, “Do it!”
Though I was led to Pennsylvania because of the house, it turns out what I really got was clarity about my future. Frustration gave me the opportunity to explore other options.
With every frustration in life, if we keep the mindset of “What else can I do?” we will find there’s a lot more available to us than we think. What we assume to be the “right path,” might only be a stepping-stone to the right direction.
Helen Keller said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
No one needs to stare at closed doors, staying frustrated.
If your plan didn’t go as planned then it wasn’t the best plan.
Look around. Make a shift. See what else is in front of you or behind you. Is there anything you’ve overlooked? Is there a conversation you need to have?
My best advice to guide you on your path is this, “Stay close to anything that makes you glad you’re alive.” –Author Unknown.
Don’t get frustrated because you worked hard or spent time or your hard-earned money doing the “wrong” thing. Be grateful for whatever experience you gain. See each stepping-stone as a place of grace to take you to your ultimate journey—and hey, it’s all a journey. Experiment. Ask yourself: What feels good way down deep in my soul? Change frustration to exploration and there’s no doubt you’ll find your answers.
Featured Artwork by Lana Wimmer, “Born to Explore.”
P.S. I will be moving to sunny St. George in the desert of Utah by Zion’s canyon. Hello sunshine, hello happiness.
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
― André Gide
Recently I had dinner with two talented and very dynamic friends, expats that live in Stockholm. We met at my friend’s house with the intention of discussing our life goals—BIG big stuff people. We dubbed it our “Life Planning Party,” and chuckled to ourselves because it was also just plain FUN.
With a notebook and pen in hand, and an honesty that’s rare among women, we each shared our current biggest “conundrum.” We opened up about what was challenging us the most and what was causing us to struggle and stall in reaching our desired destinations. Between forkfuls of quiche Lorraine, we shared our frustrations and when the quiche was gone and our conundrums out on the table; my discussion leader and friend posed this important question, “What is it that you most want to feel?”
Sigh and deep breathe. Hmmmm….
Okay, notice she didn’t ask…what can you DO about it, or what do you THINK should happen…she went right to the source of our souls answers—our feelings. Our gut is an oft-overlooked source of information and truth, but it will never steer us wrong.
So what did I want to feel? Besides happy, everybody wants to be happy. We tossed around ideas until we each honed in on one simple word that captured exactly how we wanted to feel. And let me tell you, when my word surfaced, it was like finding my fairy godmother’s wand–magic.
This was my word, “fulfilled.” It’s exactly how I wanted to feel. No matter the situation, if I was writing, painting, mothering, cooking, spending time with friends, I wanted it to be fulfilling.
With the word fulfillment in hand, wouldn’t you know, my conundrum unraveled itself. Moments before I’d been confused and anxious, but now all that melted away under the illuminating rays of truth–my truth. I wanted fulfillment.
So the question became…what is fulfilling to me? And what isn’t. And how do I structure my day to get what I want?
Armed with my core intention, I set three goals and objectives to accomplish in the coming month. We each did, then took turns sharing. Stating out loud what I was going to do made me accountable, but more importantly, with friends to listen, I wasn’t setting impossible goals—goals that would make me crash and burn in despair when I wasn’t able to accomplish the equivalent of hiking Mount Kilimanjaro in a day.
Bare in mind, these are friends, they’re not going to tell me I’m a big loser if I don’t do what I say I’m going to do. Because the point of this exercise was to set an intention in life and to leave space for life to happen–leave room for the unexpected. Which face it, as moms, as friends, as busy women, we encounter the unexpected every day of our lives. We need to be flexible enough to recognize when another direction is better or when we need to press pause.
As my friend would say, “There are many versions of you.” It’s about finding the one that fits with your life and circumstances. In five months I won’t be living in Sweden anymore, I’ll be back in the US and my life will have changed (yet) again. With each move we’ve made, from Greece to Austria to The Netherlands and Sweden and back and forth from the US, I have lived one of those versions of myself, adapting and figuring out who I am in each place and time. It’s helped me realize a person can be happy almost anywhere doing all different sorts of things. It’s about discovering what you really want to feel and shaping your life to fit your core intention. (Go ahead and read that sentence again and let it sink in.)
My “runner” friend has participated in some incredible competitions. She’s raced 100K in terrain I wouldn’t even hike through. But nonetheless, she’s finding her Swedish Running Club a bit of a challenge. She shared their mantra:
“Dare to finish last.”
I love this because it means you’re trying and that’s what counts. The pressure is off but the goal is on. It’s about doing something and being happy in the process, no matter the outcome. If the idea of not finishing or finishing last has prevented you from starting on something you want to do, then DARE to finish last. Give up the fear in exchange for what you really want. For me it’s being fulfilled.
“Strength doesn’t come from winning. Your struggles develop your strength. When you go through hardship and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” (Unknown)
Have a conundrum?
What do you want to feel?
Remedy: Dare to finish last.
(Above painting by Lana Wimmer, title: Distant Shore.)